Hello...Old Friend

It's been awhile but I figure it's about time I started blogging again.

For the past few weeks, Ramadan has been going on and I just can't get into the spirit of things. At the begining it was pretty annoying especially riding the subway at 1 or 2 p.m. Lets just say I never made that mistake again. I think part of not getting into the spirit of things is because I miss some stuff from home. In the beginng, i was super excited to see Ramadan in a Muslim country, but Ramadan in Egypt can be a lonely place.

I'm missing some things from home. I don't really feel homesick and these are things I didn't think i would miss. I miss the fall and autumn and the leaves turning different shades of red, orange and yellow. I miss the crisp cold air and the chilly fall breeze. I'm missed the indian summer. I miss my comfort food...pizza rolls and ben and jerry's icecream. I miss Jess and our long talks about life and sometimes about nothing at all. I miss Sarah and our long chats about the men in our lives and just chillin in Chi-town. I miss Michelle and our late nights just eating and binging on Ben Jerry's. I miss my mom's cooking. She is an amazing cook! I could cook some of the things myself, but i'm nervous using a stove that doesn't say low, medium, medium-high, and high settings and an oven that doesn't have degree marks and well, i have no clue how to light the thing. I need to go to a lebanese restaurant desperately. It's been ages since I've been to one. I cannot believe that I'm saying this, but I miss Wal-mart and especially Target. I miss driving my car. I miss spending time with my sister and watching movies with my bro. I really miss my mom. There is no other woman in the world I admire as much as her. I miss American Cosmo, the British version just doesn't cut it.

I guess I'm kind of homesick and well it's been kind of hard to talk about. Mainly, because I hate admitting to myself that I am homesick and I'm not sure if others will understand. It's always been difficult to talk to my friends about the troubles in my life. I have a hard time opening up to people and well, a good friend pointed that out. I've always been this way. I'm a private person and don't like to involve other people with my problems. I guess I just opened up a can of worms and just spilled my guts to millions of people. It feels good.

I want it to be okay for me to be me. I want people to realize that I'm not just Arab but I am American, too and that it's okay for me to be both. I am both and I'm very proud to be both. I can't change who I am or deny who I am, because then I wouldn't be true to myself. I can't hide who I am. Why can't it be okay for me to be both?

I've hit a rough point in my abroad experience, but I know things will get better. After sharing all of this, I already feel tons better. More than anything, I just need someone to lean on and someone to tell me it's okay to feel this way.

On top of everything, I think I have food poisoning from not well cooked chicken eaten at a good restaurant.